My Longest One Yet. I Hope It's Worth It.

Yes, the 2-4 inches turned out to be a trace, but classes were canceled and yours truly slept in. The first snow day of the year!

A little after lunch (1:00ish?) I decided to fix our new computer. But let me back up a little...

As you know, we bought a new computer back in November. That daddy ran like a dream until I decided to load on Roxio software Quentin left here last weekend. After I loaded the software, I saw it was a great program. I played with the photo editing tools and decided to print my masterpiece. That is when the whole thing locked up. One of those deals when nothing will let go and the only recourse is the old cold-boot-hit-the-off-button routine. I hate that.

When the reboot was complete, just as the desktop appeared, so did one of those little hateful dialog boxes. This one said something like “SPOOLSV.EXE not identified.” Naturally, my first thought was, “What the heck is SPOOLSV.EXE?”

I went on line and read all I could about SPOOLSV.EXE. Of course it was a printer spool program that should be lodging in the registry. (I hate going into the registry. It’s like a woman with PMS: one false move and its over!)

I did a search and found three other SPOOLSV.EXE files but I could not copy and paste one to the registry. I downloaded the darn thing, along with the HP 1024 printer driver, but to no avail.

Then I heard it: “Call Dell.” My beautiful wife with some sage advice.

“No,” I answered. “I’ll never call tech support. I’d rather scrape up another $1,300 and buy another computer.” Silly her: she thought I was being silly.

At work the next day I went to Computer Services and asked for the best registry person in the house. Everyone agreed it was Jerry White.

“Mmmmmmmmmm,” said Jerry. “Why don’t you try running the Windows XP Professional disk again and at start up choose ‘Repair.’”

Makes sense to me.

When I got home, I heard it again: “Call Dell.”

“Not in a million years.”

Wednesday night I ran the Windows XP Professional disk and selected “Repair.”

After about 25 minutes, the computer blinked and came back to a screen that was black with white letters...never good in a Windows environment. It gave several options on how to reboot, including “Choose Last Option that Worked.” What?

Nothing worked. All I got was a loop back to this infernal screen. I was in reboot hell.

“Call Dell.”

“Never!”

Finally, I did what I knew from the beginning I would have to do...I reformatted my hard drive and installed Windows again.

Eureka! It ran like a ’56 Ford! Smooth as Uncle Walt’s moonshine.

Triumphantly, I added Office and restored all the e-mail accounts (Although Risë just told me I forgot the address book).

Then came the moment to go on line. Everything attached. Nothing. “Cannot Find Page.” I almost wept.

“Call Roadrunner.”

“Is that all you know?” I asked, rather harshly.

“Call Roadrunner.”

So, I called Roadrunner. The tech support guy sounded like he was eating potato chips by the handfuls. I had to give the phone to Risë. I just couldn’t understand him. He was in Canada, speaking North American English with a Hudson Bay accent.

After several attempts at something, Risë hung up the phone and informed me, “It’s a computer problem. Call Dell.”

“I will never call Dell.”

“I’m going to bed.”

And then I was alone. Alone with this monster machine that was teasing me and provoking me. I began to wonder if I could convince my homeowner’s insurance that someone broke in and stole it. I was desperate. I had not had supper. I was hungry. It was 9:00 pm. Please fix yourself, I sobbed.

Then, in the quiet of the nighttime, all alone and totally defeated, I called Dell.

The tech support guy was in India. He spoke British English with a Hindustani accent....but he was heads and shoulders better than the guy at Time-Warner Roadrunner.

Almost immediately he had me on line. Then he said something I never expected to hear: “Sir, I am not satisfied that your computer is running properly. Would you like to fix a few things?”

Sure, why not, I thought.

After about 20 minutes of leading me around inside the registry, the tech guy asked, “Sir, may I take control of your computer and do this myself?”

Using a program I downloaded from dell.com, and with my permission, Ram fixed about six driver problems. It was fantastic. I just sat and watched the cursor fly hither and yon.

Now, my Dell is a dude! It runs like a ’07 Subaru!

The moral of this story? Send tech support to India. Ram went above and beyond and I plan to send that Hindu a Christmas card next year!!